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I received a pro-communist education in Hong Kong. As a result, I grew up as an atheist, believing in Charles Darwin and his theory of evolution and in the materialism of Karl Marx and Lenin. I was under the impression that God existed only in the minds of idealists. What I did not recognize was that, ironic as it seems, an atheist like me looked at Mao Tse-tung as the saviour of China. My respect for Chairman Mao was so great that I worshipped him like my own personal god. I feverishly read the writings of Mao, and preached Mao’s beliefs to the people around me, influencing many young students during that time.
A frightening disease triggered my thirst for faith
In 1988, a routine chest X-ray revealed a shadow the size of a walnut. Following rounds of diagnostic tests, the doctor concluded that the shadow was a cancerous tumour. His recommendation was that I have an emergency operation to remove the tumour. This was the first life-and-death struggle I have experienced. My mind was numb except for the burning question: Why me? The operation removed two-thirds of my right lung. Five days after the operation, the doctor came to my room to announce news that I could not believe – from the analysis of the tissues that were removed, I did not have cancer. He congratulated me and wished me a speedy recovery from the surgery; then he left.
At that moment, I did not know what to think. My surroundings had suddenly become very calm and quiet; time seemed to have halted completely. Following the surgery, the hospital had provided me with a soft pillow to help ease the pain from my rib area. With this pillow under my right arm, I saw myself slowly rising to the sky, and I was walking. As I went forward, I saw a Chinese ceremonial arch (the gateway between the world of the living and the world of the dead) emerging in front of my eyes. As I was about to enter through the arch, I was stopped by a deep voice: “Go back. You do not have to enter here anymore!” When I turned my body to walk back, I saw myself still lying on my bed, and I regained consciousness.
I was certain that it was not a dream that I had just had. It was also not a hallucination from the fright I had had about my health and the surgery. It was really a miraculous sign. Yet what was the purpose of this event that I had just witnessed? Who was it that was giving me directions? I sensed that there was a force that I did not know and that this force had rescued me from death. But who was that rescuing power?
This near-death experience made me realize that there is a Lord who rules over life and death. From that moment on, I believed that there does exist a God. However, the teachings of the different religions made me extremely confused. As I began to search for a faith, I discovered more and more that the teachings of many religions were not credible. Unable to accept any of these other religions, I turned to an intense investigation of the Christian faith.
Believe and be saved
My daughter and my son had long been “baptized” (the ceremony through which a person formally demonstrates that he or she has become a Christian). One time, they brought me to listen to a sermon by a Christian pastor. His words really moved me. He said, “Believe and be saved!” But what did I need to believe?” In response to my questions, my children showed me the Apostles’ Creed, a basic statement of Christian belief:
“I believe in God the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ His only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Ghost, was born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried; He descended into hell; the third day He rose again from the dead; He ascended into heaven and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty; from there He shall come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Ghost, the holy universal church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body and life everlasting.
God’s help once again
The following days were filled with many traumatizing experiences for me and my family. Despite these ups and downs, I increasingly could feel God’s comforting hand and guidance, helping me through the toughest of times. During those days, I was a frequent visitor to the hospital: I had a tumour removed from my uterus; I was hospitalized many times because of gastro-intestinal cramps; and once I had a skin condition that medicines could not help and that gave me incredible itching day and night.
At another time, my right lower abdomen became extremely painful in the middle of the night. I woke my son to drive me to the hospital. The initial diagnosis was that I had kidney stones. The news frightened me, and I asked myself: Does this mean I need another operation? As I waited to undergo further tests, I remembered God and prayed the first prayer in my life, asking God to spare me from having to endure the pain of an operation. Later, the doctors discovered that the kidney stones were only the size of sesame seeds, and thus could be naturally expelled from my body. I was so moved that I could not speak – it was God who had saved me once again.
I had now been the recipient of God’s abundant help and guidance, and it was undeniable now that God does exist and that I should be grateful for the help He had given me. Still, I could not make up my mind to be baptized as a Christian, for my understanding of sin remained unclear.
Have I sinned?
It was without any difficulty that I had admitted that human beings sin. To me, the Bible’s description of the first humans, Adam and Eve, sinning against God was very clear and straightforward. However, to admit that I myself had sinned was difficult. Looking back on all the years of my life, I did not see that I had done anything that I needed to ask pardon for. This remained the case until I came across a book entitled The Private Life of Chairman Mao written by Li Zhi-zui, the personal doctor of Mao Tse-tung. As I read the book, I felt nauseated – for Mao was a person who had caused endless torment to millions of people in China, and I had been gullible enough to look at him as my god. How big a sin was this! Yes, I truly had sinned. From that time, I started to admit to God my wrongdoings and to ask for forgiveness for my sins. I began to read the Bible and to learn about Jesus Christ’s mission to come to the earth and to suffer for our sins. I believe that God sent His Son to bear the ultimate suffering for us. This is a gift that is offered to all human beings by God. The only thing I could do was to accept Jesus Christ as my personal Saviour so that I could have a new life, a life free of sins.
Over the last 12 years, I have continued to receive care, direction and wisdom from God. These gifts have helped me to safely go through many difficult times. Under His guidance, I came to Christian Logos Church in Vancouver, where I could worship God, and where I have been baptized, a former atheist submitting to Jesus Christ.
This article was translated by Ed Leung and is reprinted, with permission, from the October 2001 issue of MB Chinese Herald.
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